Your Rados:

Thank you all for coming today, thank you for your love, your support, your generosity. Above all,  for joining us in seeing Ivana leave on her last voyage.

In Dubrovnik, Croatia, inside the white marble city walls, there is a secret cave-like passageway leading to the dramatic cliffs above the Adriatic sea. This is where I proposed to her many summers ago. Waves splashing were our only witness. Dozen summers later, several years into her battle with cancer, we sat at that place again, facing the serenity and the reality of the cliff drop. Holding hands and still feeling the same vibrations as before; understanding each other seamlessly, like we did from our very first kiss in March of 2003, in front of Slater International Center at Wellesley College. This time around we knew subconsciously what would eventually happen today, as we imprinted the moment in that place for eternity, never to be forgotten.

Today you continue your journey alone, for now, while I remain at the entrance of our secret cave that became a chasm left gaping in my heart. But I shall not shy away; I know that at the end of it is the neverending sea of our wonderful memories forever reaching for the infinite horizon. My love for you is that prancing, glistening shimmer of sunlight reflected off the wave tips, that permanent roar of waves we always heard over there, rising and falling, falling and rising, engraving themselves on those cliffs, furious I could not save you from this horrible illness, that you suffered and fought courageously for so long.

You never ceased to be positive and full of unwavering spirit, even when facing almost insurmountable hardships, and you have had many. You defied and outbraved the latest one, almost laughing at it with your witty, often prankish humor, invariably present in the corner of your arresting eyes, in the nook of your conquering, kittenish smile. And when you lost your hair and eyelashes, your arms riddled with bruises from needles, you grew even more beautiful in my eyes, as I watched you reading books to our precious girls, in spite of struggling to see or breathe. I can only hope to be as heroic and wise as you in the days to come, to give them the world you would have.

I long for you today the same way I did while on my research visit to Budapest, that first summer together when I was away. Smitten with you, I would sit on the Danube shore, listening to Gypsy violins, writing poems to you instead of solving math problems. Forgive me for being weak, I may delude myself at times that you are only an ocean away like you were back then. I will miss the way you snuggled in my arms only you knew how, your gentle hands whose warm touch would effortlessly swipe away any worry. I shall even miss your scolding when I was too rough while parenting.

A long list of admirable adjectives would not do you justice; what I respect the most is that as you sailed through life, battered by winds of fate and changing circumstances, you always stayed true to yourself, doggedly so, you remained steadfast in your morals and principles; selfless and reliable, thoughtful and considerate, placing yourself in others’ shoes, taking care of them before yourself. Speaking of shoes, now I regret calling you a centipede, as you never had enough pairs, but I never stopped buying them for you. Even your stubbornness was cute.

Thank you for enlightening me, making me a better person, for teaching me how to enjoy the little things in life, and most importantly, thank you for giving and entrusting me our two treasures. Our souls will eventually join on that journey again in the future, we shall dance tango and go malbec tasting in Buenos Aires, hike in Patagonia, hop under waterfalls and chase those northern lights in Iceland you did not manage to catch last time we were there. We will sip good coffee and play your favorite card games, at least for pennies, of course! Or we will play yahtzee and you will roll the die on four sides to increase the probability.

On my first birthday together, you gave me the song “A Blond Lock (of Hair)” by Mika Antic, a poet who was a major figure of the Yugoslav Black Wave. When you knew the end of your visible life is near, you would cover your head with a blanket while in hospital bed and read the following poem by the same poet, whose excerpt I will share with you today. I hope the English translation can convey its message and transcend language and other boundaries.

"An Immortal Poem" by 'Mika' Antić

If they tell you that I have died,

and I was dear to your heart,

then something within you will suddenly turn gray.

Mist on eyelashes.

On a lip an ashy mark.

But, have you ever on occasion

wondered what it means to live?

If they tell you that I have died,

this is what will be.

A thousand rainbow fish

will be fluttering through my eye.

And earth will hide me.

And weeds will hide me.

While in the meantime I'll be

soaring up high... up high.

But, do you really think that my hand,

my knee, or my head

could tomorrow turn into

a willow root

or grass?

If they tell you that I have died,

don't believe it!

To die I don't know how.

I have just dropped by this Earth in passing,

to give you a little wink.

So that I leave behind me something

like a fluttering mark.

Therefore, don't be sad.

I want so much to remain in you

playful and strangely dear to your heart.

At night, when you lift your eyes up to the sky,

you too give me a wink.

Let it be our secret.

In spite of the gloomy days

whenever you notice a shooting star

making the horizon blush,

remember: that's actually me,

moonstruck, still flying and living.

Volim te maco moja, i voljecu te uvijek.

Your Zlata:

There are no words to express the beauty that Ivana was and that she bestowed upon this world. Her kindness, generosity, fun-filled spirits, smarts, beauty and grace, are out of this world. Her commitment to her family, her friends and all those around her is second to none.

I first met Ivana in college, and we immediately became close friends. Ivana was the type of person who you felt you've known for decades, even if you just happened to have met her the day before. Her welcoming smile, fun and open personality, combined with a "no fuss/can do" attitude, made her a real people magnet. 

Ivana loved certain people and things in her life more than anything else.

Her family was everything to her. She was a devoted and loving mother to her beautiful girls, Tara and Masha. She was madly in love with the man of her life, Rados, and was an exemplary daughter to her loving parents Bojka and Bubo. She was always there for her siblings Slaven and Anna and their significant others, and she absolutely adored her brother from another mother, Miso, and her mother-in-law who she called Baba Mijana. There are other numerous cousins, aunts and uncles that Ivana always talked about, and hosted at their home. Ivana lived for her family.  

Ivana was a kind friend to so many of us here today, and she was the most selfless, generous, and loyal friend you could hope for. She remembered every birthday, anniversary, holiday...any big and small moments. Even in her last weeks of life, she kept asking about her friends' families, as if she didn't have enough going on in her life. She cared for others and paid attention to them, no matter what was going on with her. Her friends added a meaning to her life that was undeniable. 

Ivana had some guilty pleasures along the way. She certainly knew what good coffee was, and there was never a bad hour to have a good cup of coffee, and especially the Bosnian kind where she could read your fortunes from the cup after you were finished drinking. You also never wanted to stand in the way of Ivana's favorite food --- chocolate. Chocolate was one of the last thing that Ivana ate before she passed.

Ivana above all was also a card master. She could win easily in any game, and even when kids would accuse her of cheating and gave her less cards to make sure they were advantaged over her, she would still win. These card games we had with her were always filled with laughter, jokes and were often accompanied by good Balkan music. Dorde Balasevic, a singer from back home, was one of her favorites and we listened to a lot of him while in college, especially during our late night studying sessions (because she was so busy dating Rados during normal school hours). 

As I remembered all his songs we listened to, one particularly stuck with me and reminded me of Ivana because it summarizes, I think, who she was as a person - a true beauty with a gentle soul, and a hero who never gave up. She was the most stoic and hopeful person that ever lived.

So, as I say a very premature goodbye to my kuma today, I wanted to read few lines from our favorite song that we would listen to over and over again. It's called  Zivot je More (which in English means, Life is an Ocean):

Life is an ocean, deep sea of darkness

Where many sailors are doomed to sink

But my heart is not a deer that's plagued by fear

The water's dangers I don't bethink

The waves, they may break me

I'm dragged by the currents

And the sky... it whips me with its thunders

But... I don't give up

I am still here...In the early morning. 

Ivana never gave up on her, on us, on life, so I know she is still here with us, right now. I feel it. Legendo, you will be forever missed and never forgotten. I love you so much.

Thank you. 

Your Anna:

Sometime around 18 years ago, I noticed my mom would clean the house just a little extra than she usually did on a Friday. I noticed the guest bedroom would be just a little more tidy than it normally was. I noticed the house smelled especially delicious from the dinner cooking and dessert baking. And then when it was all finished, we sat there with the front door wide open on a Friday evening and we waited. These were the weekends I looked forward to the most because I knew it meant Ivana was coming to visit. 

But it wasn’t just Ivana coming. It was my sissy, my role model, my guardian angel, my best friend. 

Ivana, I’ll never forget the time we spent painting pictures in the dining room and I started to cry because your paintings were always better than mine. Or when we would play board games and your competitive side came out, so you would win every time. Tiramisu is, to this day, my favorite dessert after you let me steal a bite from yours at Olive Garden when I was a little younger than Masha. I still have every ceramic we painted at Color Me Mine, specifically I remember the yellow vase you painted that mom used to display on the table, while mine were hidden somewhere in my room. No matter what it was in regards to, growing up, I always tried my best to be just like you, sis. 

Because who wouldn’t want to be? 

To this day, I still try my best to be a younger version of you. I moved to New York City last year, started a job on Wall Street, and have plans to travel the world as much as you did and wished to do — and even though I would never admit this to you in person, I might even take those dance lessons you insisted I sign up for 18 years ago. (No promises I’ll be as graceful and enthusiastic about it as you, sis.) 

As happy as I am to feel like I’m following the footsteps of my greatest role model, a part of it will always feel like I’m missing something — having you there next to me. When I step outside after a long day at work all I want to do is call you so we can have dinner and laugh about the time we tipped over in a kayak in Cape Cod and we fought over it. And then after dinner we would obviously share a chocolate dessert. I want to you to come with me to Rome in July so you can show me all the places you visited on your honeymoon and we can try recreating those photos together. Afterwards we would shop our hearts out and eat all the Tiramisu we wanted. I want to hear one last piece of advice on why I should take those dance lessons so I don’t stomp around at my future wedding, but also advice on how to make sure I live a happy life full of adventures and bright memories. I’ll never forget listening to you talk about wanting to open up a vegan cupcake shop once you were healthy because you wanted to pursue something that actually made you happy. 

Even when I was shopping for this dress and these shoes it felt like you were there beside me, telling me what looked good and what was so out-of-style.

Ivana, you’ve inspired me in so many ways imaginable and I wish nothing more than for you to see the magnitude of your impact on me and those around you. You radiated kindness, patience, selflessness, and a touch of sass that only someone like your sister would find amusing and try to emulate herself. I hope Tara and Masha can see the hints of you shine through me as their aunt and that one day they hold paintings, board games, and ceramics from me as near and dear to them as I do with the ones we shared. 

And Ivana, I will never forget the day you looked me dead in the eye a few months ago and said you wanted to be an aunt. While theres still a few years to go on that, you will still always be the best aunt in my eyes, the best future bridesmaid at my wedding, the best mother to your children, and the best guardian angel of us all. You are still the best sissy, the best role model, and still my best friend. 

I love you, sis. 

Your Seila:

Dear Rados, Tara, Masha, Ivana’s parents, Ana, Slaven, Jenya, Ivana’s dearest family and friends.

Ivana and I have been friends for over twenty years, since our college days. I don’t know how to summarize those years and all my love for Ivana in a few words. In my mind’s eye I keep seeing Ivana in our dorm, telling me about Rados in their first few days and weeks of dating. I see Ivana, Zlata, and me travel together to New York City as poor college students and having the best time – because we were together. I see Ivana and Rados sit across from me and tell me what names they were thinking of for their first-born. I see Ivana glowing on their babymoon (and Tara in Ivana’s belly) in Provincetown. I also see Ivana and myself celebrate what we thought of as a successful conclusion to her first cancer treatment. So many images of Ivana in her everyday life are flashing before my eyes, and in each one she is smiling, wonderfully kind, optimistic – and, frankly, extraordinary.

Ivana was a ray of sunshine on this Earth. Even in fact of hardship. Never a judgmental thought, always loving and supportive, and every day the best friend I could have asked for. Always living her life to the fullest. Sweet Tara and Masho: I hope that is one of the many beautiful qualities that you will take from your mother.

I had the honor of witnessing Ivana and Rados fall in love and knew their love was real, complete, unwavering, forever. With her own accomplishments and with Rados by her side, later with Tara and Masha, it seemed to me that this world was finally giving Ivana the love and happiness she deserved. An angel like Ivana deserves no less.

So, Ivana and her smile – that is the picture I will carry in my heart from now on. Dear Ivana, draga moja Ivanice – pocivaj u miru. I love you so, so much.